I have often heard people suggest that to be a leader you need certain characteristics that cannot be learned. One of the apparently unlearnable qualities is strength of character. Strong leadership and strength of character are two different things and not the easiest to get right. A commonly overlooked trait of inspirational leadership though seems to fly in the face of the strong leadership mantra, and that is to show weakness and vulnerability. Is it ever a good idea to show weakness? If it is, how do we get the balance right between weakness and strength in leadership?
Why follow weakness?
People can sense when we are being phony. We are all human and as such we are all imperfect. Attempting to give the impression of infallibility in a leadership role will achieve one thing and one thing only, and that is distrust.
If we try to conceal all our faults, and project that we are the ultimate authority on any given subject, people recognise it for what it is… insecurity. We all have an innate ability to sniff out when someone is fronting or being plain arrogant, and we don’t like it.
This is where, as leaders we need to recognise which of our failings are ones we should share, and which we should quietly work on to better ourselves, and not divulge. Communicating a weakness, shows our humanity and builds solidarity with our teams.
I remember working with a head of a department who was firmly in the strong and infallible leader camp. Almost everyone who worked for him, when asked, resented how he portrayed himself and how he interacted with them. They reported waiting to gauge his mood before greeting him in the mornings, and rarely feeling in a position to offer an opinion which countered his thoughts in any meeting. I was working with him as an occupational health and safety consultant, and he shared an interesting turn of events with me.
Over the preceding months, his relationship with his team had gone from strength to strength, and he was beginning to get far more creative and innovative input from his senior team members. What had caused this remarkable turnaround? His marriage had failed.
Overcome with personal sadness, he had allowed his staff to see weakness, he had held a meeting with his team and explained how he knew he could be difficult at times. He asked them to bring to his attention when he was being unreasonable and to bear with him if he was more cold or distant than usual. This simple display of fallibility turned the team dynamic from a toxic culture to one where team members went the extra mile for him.
What should we share?
Showing weakness or parts of ourselves that fall short of perfection is a fine art in a professional setting. Genuine recognition of shortcomings is great, but there is a golden rule, and that is never to expose a weakness that could be terminal to your ability to perform your role.
The lead Consultant Physician in charge of an emergency department for example, would be ill advised to reveal that he never really understood how best to run a resuscitation, as that would obliterate his team’s confidence in him.
I can give a personal example here, which has allowed me to connect with team’s that have worked with me. As regular readers will already know, I have suffered with insomnia for much of my career, and it has had an impact on my short-term memory. This meant that I had to adopt a strategy to ensure I wasn’t forgetting important information when it was relayed to me. I became known for always carrying a hardbound A4 jotter around with me and writing down absolutely everything that was said. It was a standing joke, that if anyone ever needed to know what had been said, ever, they could ask me, and I could pull out the notes that gave detailed accounts of any meeting.
I always explained that my insomnia meant that I was forgetful, and therefore people shouldn’t worry if they saw me noting down everything all the time. This obviously expressed and shared weakness served me well, as it showed people that I recognised I was not perfect, and needed people to help me, often. Through this small thing, team members were always happier to work with me and show me empathy.
Shop for from Weakness to Strength on Amazon
Finding the correct weakness unlocks this deeper connection with our teams, as we can guarantee, if we don’t show at least something ourselves, people will invent weaknesses for us.
A final thought on this… showing weakness has a paradoxical benefit. It diverts attention away from more significant weaknesses, allowing you time to work on them in the background.
When to be strong
A well-known leadership trope is that we should all care for our team members. In fact, many of the posts on letsworkhealthy.com will certainly promote the need for genuine empathy with our teams. But there is a catch, when showing care, it needs to be genuine and focussed on both the individual’s wellbeing and their success in their role.
We need to empathise fiercely with the people we want to follow us, recognising what they need to be successful and making sure they have it. This means we need to care deeply about the work that those team members do, and the standard to which they do it too. A successful leader needs to assess what a team member needs for success and give it to them, and this is where the strength comes in, as what they need isn’t always what they want.
Shop for Strength based leadership on Amazon
We need to be strong, as Scott Belsky, Uber investor and founder of Behance recognised, there is a dark side to leadership, and that is the potential for loneliness, saying, “As the leader of a company, it’s always lonely.” The connection we develop with our teams is one which must maintain a respectful distance. Genuinely caring for team members whilst underpinning the detachment necessary to lead with objectivity requires a strong will and mindset. We will find ourselves left out in the cold if we have needed to deliver difficult news or direction, but ultimately, your team’s respect for you will build.
Our empathy needs to be of the tough love kind, balancing our respect for the individual against our determination for completing the task in hand. Paulanne Mancuso, President and CEO of Calvin Klein Cosmetics highlights that being empathetic is hard on leaders. She says, “Some theories of leadership make caring look effortless; it isn’t. You have to do things you don’t want to do, and that’s hard, it’s tough to be tough.”
Direct your strength for mutual benefits
Delivering empathy of the tough love kind is much easier to do though if we genuinely care about the outcomes, not just for the organisation, but for the individuals involved. Our teams will know when we care, because when we do, we can’t help but show our true personalities. This sends clear signals of authenticity which can be picked up from anywhere in the organisation. People will know we mean what we say and aren’t just playing at the role of ‘caring leader.’
To best demonstrate these qualities, we need a mechanism that facilitates delivery on promised development opportunities for employees. That mechanism is coaching. Not everyone is a great coach, but if there is a practice I would recommend over any other, its coaching using the GROW model. I have written a more detailed article on the GROW coaching model which you can find here.
John Whitmore developed the GROW Model of coaching and it is awesome, plain and simple. It allows us to sit with someone and help them to contextualise their aims and objectives with what is achievable if they apply themselves. Often, if lacking in confidence, they will struggle to see how the steps to success are possible for them. By using ourselves as an example to aspire to and assuring them that we are not superhuman in any way, they can see us as a role model for their success.
The coaching experience needs to be viewed like a journey. We are establishing with the team member where they are now, or the point of origin. From here we determine where the destination (the goal) is and finally, we establish a route to get there.
Through the coaching process we can identify what actions will get our team member where they need to be in the most suitable way. This may not always be an easy route to success, but through strong-willed empathy and good leadership, we can help them reach their potential.
Find the right balance for success
By showing that we aren’t perfect and being willing to accept help and input we will build a strong respectful bond across the team. Being prepared to make unpopular decisions which benefit team member’s career goals and further the aims of the organisation we are in, shows strength and determination.
The ingredients though which act as a catalyst to balance our approach are genuine compassion and empathy. Demonstrating these qualities will ensure that both our weaknesses and our strengths are coming from a place of honesty, and believe me, people respond well to that.
Over to you!
Have you got any suggestions for the best ways to coach team members for success? As you can see from the post, at letsworkhealthy.com we are giving simple practical help to leaders wherever we can. We would love to hear your thoughts on the tips in this article, so it would be great if you could leave some comments below!
See you for the next article!
Greg Bennett is a Public Health Professional and
Leadership Coach
This post contains affiliate links. Please read our disclaimer for more info
If you subscribe in the box below, you’ll get FREE access to the new 32 page E-book, ‘New Leader Quick Start Guide’. If you want to establish yourself as a great leader and develop a creative motivated team, this E-book is for you!
